To Start With, I Hate Dating
I mean I feel like the title says it all - I really just hate dating.
Now to be fair, I do like DATES. I enjoy going out for drinks, or a movie, or some fun adventure with a person I've got an attraction or romantic interest in. I enjoy flirting, and I absolutely love to make someone smile. But dating? No, no I hate that. I especially hate online dating, which is weird because I am SO MUCH MORE comfortable with it (but also I don't really need to worry that every potential match is going to send me a picture of their disappointing downstairs mixup)
No, I just really have an issue with the whole art of dating - Partly because I think I'm pretty bad at it, but also because it just feels... I suppose dishonest? Example - When I was going through my divorce, an acquaintance of mine tried to get me to start following a subreddit called redpill. The name is, I assume (or I'm way out of touch) a reference to the Matrix, but the sub isn't at all about the 66% disappointment sci-fi trilogy. No, it's about presenting yourself as the "Rawr, ALPHA MALE" because women are drawn to you by instinct and will do everything to have sex with you, and if you aren't "RAWR ALPHA MAN YEAH" you're a "Beta", or more likely "Beta cuck" (cuck being a reference to cuckolding, which you can google ya'damn self.) To me it seems like you should just be able to be yourself and find someone you mesh with, rather than change your persona - especially if the only goal is sex. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I am really bad at being anyone but myself. This is easy to understand when you realize I'm also pretty bad at being me, and being me comes naturally.
I didn't hate dating before, by the way. I mean yeah I'd get nervous before a first date, but I didn't really HATE it until a few months ago when I started to really ease myself back into it. I'm perfectly content being single, but hey, no harm in seeing what's out there, right? At least that was my thought. What I've learned in practice is that either a lot changed in the last 5 years, or I'm suddenly in a new franchise of dateship that I didn't have exposure to before.
So in that span of time, I've had encounters where I learned after a few dates that they were married (twice, one of whom was actually just trying to court me so I'd sleep with her husband), a few where I was catfished (in that the pictures they used were another woman), a few where I was further catfished (in that the pictures were a woman and the person was a man who was just "really into straight dudes"), and just a LOT of shitty people. Like, one woman who told me I should probably just stop talking to my stepchild because "Well they'll just take it harder when you have your own kids and stop talking to them". Umm no, because I would not stop talking to them. "Well the mother of your kids will take issue with that, I certainly would" Ok... So I wouldn't be with someone that had a problem with it, and just... no.
I've pretty much decided at this point that I won't try a relationship with anyone I don't already know as a friend. At least there are fewer surprises at that point.
Now to be fair, I do like DATES. I enjoy going out for drinks, or a movie, or some fun adventure with a person I've got an attraction or romantic interest in. I enjoy flirting, and I absolutely love to make someone smile. But dating? No, no I hate that. I especially hate online dating, which is weird because I am SO MUCH MORE comfortable with it (but also I don't really need to worry that every potential match is going to send me a picture of their disappointing downstairs mixup)
No, I just really have an issue with the whole art of dating - Partly because I think I'm pretty bad at it, but also because it just feels... I suppose dishonest? Example - When I was going through my divorce, an acquaintance of mine tried to get me to start following a subreddit called redpill. The name is, I assume (or I'm way out of touch) a reference to the Matrix, but the sub isn't at all about the 66% disappointment sci-fi trilogy. No, it's about presenting yourself as the "Rawr, ALPHA MALE" because women are drawn to you by instinct and will do everything to have sex with you, and if you aren't "RAWR ALPHA MAN YEAH" you're a "Beta", or more likely "Beta cuck" (cuck being a reference to cuckolding, which you can google ya'damn self.) To me it seems like you should just be able to be yourself and find someone you mesh with, rather than change your persona - especially if the only goal is sex. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I am really bad at being anyone but myself. This is easy to understand when you realize I'm also pretty bad at being me, and being me comes naturally.
I didn't hate dating before, by the way. I mean yeah I'd get nervous before a first date, but I didn't really HATE it until a few months ago when I started to really ease myself back into it. I'm perfectly content being single, but hey, no harm in seeing what's out there, right? At least that was my thought. What I've learned in practice is that either a lot changed in the last 5 years, or I'm suddenly in a new franchise of dateship that I didn't have exposure to before.
So in that span of time, I've had encounters where I learned after a few dates that they were married (twice, one of whom was actually just trying to court me so I'd sleep with her husband), a few where I was catfished (in that the pictures they used were another woman), a few where I was further catfished (in that the pictures were a woman and the person was a man who was just "really into straight dudes"), and just a LOT of shitty people. Like, one woman who told me I should probably just stop talking to my stepchild because "Well they'll just take it harder when you have your own kids and stop talking to them". Umm no, because I would not stop talking to them. "Well the mother of your kids will take issue with that, I certainly would" Ok... So I wouldn't be with someone that had a problem with it, and just... no.
I've pretty much decided at this point that I won't try a relationship with anyone I don't already know as a friend. At least there are fewer surprises at that point.
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